THE VALUE OF FIDELITY IN
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
BY: JIM CAULDER-12-25-09
Fidelity is a term used mostly in romantic relationships. There are many other specific meanings and proper uses for the word. However, in this discussion I will explore its negative counterpart, infidelity, which has a much higher emotive potential. I am going to use as a working definition for infidelity the following: failure to behave in a manner you have promised, or are expected to, having knowledge of the expected or committed to expectation, with the ability to have conformed to the expectation or commitment.
The stated causes for infidelity are numerous, but none are acceptable to the betrayed partner. The general public also is not accepting of infidelity, for it undermines a primary building block of society. The person guilty of infidelity may offer excuses but, usually does not approve of this disruptive behavior, either.
The origin of infidelity is rooted in a lack of understanding and acceptance of the value of honor and trust in all personal relationships. Immaturity, insecurity, and a failure of impulse control also play a part when a susceptible mind meets opportunity.
There are many stages, levels or degrees of infidelity. Beginning with discontentedness with some aspect of the relationship, the mind is allowed to conjure up justification for thoughts, fantasies or actions. The ego gets a boost from the attention of another. The conscience is troubled by the betrayal, anxiety increases. The primary relationship becomes strained. This is usually when questions begin and there is a general feeling something is just not right. The offender looks for comfort and validation, since they are being rejected by their partner. The offended partner may be torn between blaming themselves, trying to salvage the relationship or just wanting to be rid of the cause of their troubles. Unless both partners are strong enough and committed enough to engage in honest, factual based, non-judgmental communication, or get professional help, the relationship is in real trouble.
The emotional cost of infidelity is incalculable. The first emotional cost is a further devaluation of self. Initial disappointment in oneself may be followed by a sense of relief that the deceit is not publicly known…yet. When the deed is first suspected, the first response is usually denial, followed by feint surprise or outrage at such an accusation. Under continued pressure, the offender sometimes confesses, may offer excuses, ask for forgiveness, and promise not to let it happen again. Damage has been done to the relationship. Trust has been lost and all parties to the indiscretion have a duty to perform. When I say all parties, I mean ALL parties. Even the partner that suffered the infidelity has a duty to understand, forgive and willingly participate in the salvage, repair and strengthening of this vested relationship. This is important whether they continue in the romantic relationship or not. It may certainly be an unpleasant task. A better understanding of yourself, the importance of boundaries, honoring commitments, self love, tolerance and the value of earned trust, are worth the effort. The relationship may emerge stronger, with renewed appreciation for each other. If this work is not done, suffering is prolonged, mistakes are apt to be repeated, and the risk of additional infidelity is increased.
For all actions there are consequences. Infidelity causes personal emotional pain as well as pain to those close to the partners, especially children from the relationship. There is a loss of motivational investment in the relationship, work suffers, spiritual development is hampered, alienation from family, friends and civic involvement occurs. Anxiety is increased in the offender, and has an impact on all aspects of his/her life and other relationships.
The financial cost of infidelity is unknowable. Loss of work time, sick days, medical expenses, low creativity, slowed upward mobility in the social and professional arena, flowers, gifts, attorney fees, child support, unplanned pregnancies, cost of maintaining separate households, the list has no end and the damage is multi-generational.
In the end, the individuals that have the least responsibility for the infidelity, minor children, suffer the most, the broken family relationship, lack of proper role models, fractured social, educational opportunities, and emotional distress with a risk of having difficulty in their own relationships.
In conclusion, know yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, honor your commitments and
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU
WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU!
www.chain-writers.com
Monday, December 28, 2009
A Native American Account of Creation
A Native American Account of Creation
By: Jim Caulder 1994
The Great One, that is, was and shall always be, was surveying the sum of all that did exist. There was found to be a place where nothing was. The Great One delights in creating and commenced with the pleasure of creating a universe. When the universe was complete, The Great One saw that it was good to look upon and to contemplate its movements. The Great One desired to create a human being to whom the universe could be given. A human being that could unlock the mysteries, understand the beauty and share this creation of The Great One.
The Great One, being spirit needed no place to stand or rest, but the human being would be physical and would need a place to reside. The Great One created the earth as a habitat for the human being. The sun was placed in the sky to promote order, to provide energy for all living things and to manage time. The moon was set in motion around the earth to rule the tides, to indicate seasons, inspire creativity and influence emotions. The Great One created the fullness of the earth, and in it was found all material things that the human being would need to flourish. When the universe and the earth were finished, The Great One stood upon the earth to observe all that had been created. It was found to be good and nothing was lacking.
The Great One was conflicted, observing the wonders of all that had been created for the human being. Yet, in agony over the knowledge of the struggles, pain and suffering that would face the human being. The Great One shed tears of joy and sadness. The blended tears fell upon the soil of the earth. The sun caused a shadow of The Great One to be cast upon the moist earth where the tears of The Great One had fallen. The Great One formed a human being from the moist soil where the sun had cast the image of The Great One, and so the human being was created from the image of The Great One. The Great One embraced the human being, breathed life into the human being, and he became a living soul.
The sun was near the center of the sky. The Great One spent the remainder of the day teaching the human being all he needed to know about the universe, the earth, himself and The Great One. The human being was given instructions on how to live successfully and was given dominion over all other creations on earth. The human being was advised to manage the earth, its resources, to be a good steward, to act without greed and the earth would furnish all his physical needs, forever. The plants, animals, mother earth and the universe would teach the human being all other things he would need to know, when he needed to know them.
When the evening had come and The Great One saw that the human being was alone and needed a companion to share his duties, and the intimacies of his heart and mind. The moon was full and shown bright upon the earth. The light from the moon caused the image of the human being to cast a shadow upon the moist earth in the same place the first human being was formed. The Great One formed a companion for the human being. From the same soil that the first human being was formed, was formed also the second. The first human being was called man and the second human being was called woman, for she was created from the image of the man. The man was created under the sun and was given the ability to understand the science of the earth and the mechanics of the universe. The woman was created under the moon and was given understanding of the cycles of the universe, the earth, the seasons, and was one with the earth, the mother of all.
The Great One, who is all life, bestowed a portion of life to remain within the man and woman so they would never be alone. Authority was given to the human beings to make decisions concerning themselves, the earth, and all the inhabitants of the earth. The human beings were informed, when they make choices that honor The Great One, enhance life, protect and preserve the earth, then The Great One and the earth will be in harmony with the human beings. If the human beings fail to do these things, the earth will not feed, clothe or support them, furthermore sickness will be their companion, and the elements will assault the human beings. The Great One will not hear the cries of the human beings. Mercy will be withheld until harmony with the will of The Great One is restored.
The life the human beings were given is a portion of The Great One who is all life. The Great One is, was and shall always be, so also is the life the human beings share. The will of The Great One is: human beings will exist in harmony with the earth while on earth and will reunite with The Great One from whom life comes, when the body rest again in the soil. Walk in peace, hold no evil thoughts, and hurt not the earth that sustains you. Pursue a greater understanding of the will of The Great One, praise and honor The Great One for all things. Place no trust, nor honor nor worship any object, image, person or thing. Only The Great One is worthy of worship and only the pure of heart is worthy to worship,
The Great One.
By: Jim Caulder 1994
The Great One, that is, was and shall always be, was surveying the sum of all that did exist. There was found to be a place where nothing was. The Great One delights in creating and commenced with the pleasure of creating a universe. When the universe was complete, The Great One saw that it was good to look upon and to contemplate its movements. The Great One desired to create a human being to whom the universe could be given. A human being that could unlock the mysteries, understand the beauty and share this creation of The Great One.
The Great One, being spirit needed no place to stand or rest, but the human being would be physical and would need a place to reside. The Great One created the earth as a habitat for the human being. The sun was placed in the sky to promote order, to provide energy for all living things and to manage time. The moon was set in motion around the earth to rule the tides, to indicate seasons, inspire creativity and influence emotions. The Great One created the fullness of the earth, and in it was found all material things that the human being would need to flourish. When the universe and the earth were finished, The Great One stood upon the earth to observe all that had been created. It was found to be good and nothing was lacking.
The Great One was conflicted, observing the wonders of all that had been created for the human being. Yet, in agony over the knowledge of the struggles, pain and suffering that would face the human being. The Great One shed tears of joy and sadness. The blended tears fell upon the soil of the earth. The sun caused a shadow of The Great One to be cast upon the moist earth where the tears of The Great One had fallen. The Great One formed a human being from the moist soil where the sun had cast the image of The Great One, and so the human being was created from the image of The Great One. The Great One embraced the human being, breathed life into the human being, and he became a living soul.
The sun was near the center of the sky. The Great One spent the remainder of the day teaching the human being all he needed to know about the universe, the earth, himself and The Great One. The human being was given instructions on how to live successfully and was given dominion over all other creations on earth. The human being was advised to manage the earth, its resources, to be a good steward, to act without greed and the earth would furnish all his physical needs, forever. The plants, animals, mother earth and the universe would teach the human being all other things he would need to know, when he needed to know them.
When the evening had come and The Great One saw that the human being was alone and needed a companion to share his duties, and the intimacies of his heart and mind. The moon was full and shown bright upon the earth. The light from the moon caused the image of the human being to cast a shadow upon the moist earth in the same place the first human being was formed. The Great One formed a companion for the human being. From the same soil that the first human being was formed, was formed also the second. The first human being was called man and the second human being was called woman, for she was created from the image of the man. The man was created under the sun and was given the ability to understand the science of the earth and the mechanics of the universe. The woman was created under the moon and was given understanding of the cycles of the universe, the earth, the seasons, and was one with the earth, the mother of all.
The Great One, who is all life, bestowed a portion of life to remain within the man and woman so they would never be alone. Authority was given to the human beings to make decisions concerning themselves, the earth, and all the inhabitants of the earth. The human beings were informed, when they make choices that honor The Great One, enhance life, protect and preserve the earth, then The Great One and the earth will be in harmony with the human beings. If the human beings fail to do these things, the earth will not feed, clothe or support them, furthermore sickness will be their companion, and the elements will assault the human beings. The Great One will not hear the cries of the human beings. Mercy will be withheld until harmony with the will of The Great One is restored.
The life the human beings were given is a portion of The Great One who is all life. The Great One is, was and shall always be, so also is the life the human beings share. The will of The Great One is: human beings will exist in harmony with the earth while on earth and will reunite with The Great One from whom life comes, when the body rest again in the soil. Walk in peace, hold no evil thoughts, and hurt not the earth that sustains you. Pursue a greater understanding of the will of The Great One, praise and honor The Great One for all things. Place no trust, nor honor nor worship any object, image, person or thing. Only The Great One is worthy of worship and only the pure of heart is worthy to worship,
The Great One.
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